On To The Thesis Proposal

Yesterday I discovered that my thesis proposal has to be done, well, pretty much by Tuesday, so that it can be signed by everyone in the English department, several deans and grad school officials, and possibly some other folks that I know nothing about. This is so that I can hand the proposal in on time so that it can be processed so that I can be issued another form to be filled out and signed by everyone on the planet and handed in within the first week of next semester.

I think I'm going to write a song about this experience. I will call it: Paper Chains Ain't Just For Christmas Trees (I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me, but I like it anyway).

It's not really a big deal. It's a creative thesis, which helps because I don't have to have tons of documentation, and my bibliography doesn't have to be nearly as extensive. Thank gopdness for that. I was given a few examples of thesis proposals to mull over (and I think, in order to banish that look of panicked expectation that cried help me! help me! from my face when I appeared in my chair's office yesterday). One of them was Amber's, and it was, as everything that Amber produces, thoughtful, elegant, well-researched and constructed, lucid... well, you get the picture. It pretty much kicked ass, and my heart fell to a much lower position as I skimmed over the pages. Her proposal was for a combination research/creative thesis, and mine's just creative, so that made me feel better.

I know I sound doomsday. I don't really feel that way. This is just part of the process I go through before I dig in and pound out something like this. I work myself into a panic, doubt in my abilities, compare myself (unfavorably) to others, make a bunch of to-do lists (on which I put several things that I've already done just so I can have the pleasure of crossing them off), throw them all away, spend an hour or so reconstructing those lists on color coded spreadsheets with checkboxes, file those away appropriately and never use them again, pace around my house, make tea, put some laundry in, do some blogging (this is where I am right now), make some more tea, look into Zoe's (my dog) eyes and plead for reassurance while fondling her incredibly soft ears, receive assurance in the form of several licks on the chin, fold some warm laundry (never fails to soothe me), then get down to work. Once I actually get down to it, things always go quickly. I wish I could skip all the pre-activity, but it seems to be integral to the process.

I'm off to make some tea...