Masters Blues
So, yesterday I ran into a friend who had just finished defending his thesis for his Masters in English. He was getting ready to celebrate, and of course I tagged along to the pub. He was really excited, I think, and rightfully so. It is a big deal.
That was when I realized: this is a big deal. Is this something to be just done willy-nilly, as I seem to be approaching it? I guess the whole MA process was just overshadowed in my mind by the mind-boggling MFA application process I've created for myself. And now I'm having a bit of a panic. I have one semester in which to do all this stuff. I have to write a thesis. A creative thesis. This is, for me, short stories. Quite a few of them. And I am a slow writer. Ponderously slow.
I think I have a concept for my thesis proposal. But I haven't written it yet.
*(A side note for those of you that have been following this saga: I found out that I did, indeed apply to BSU and was accepted so, whew! That's a load off my mind)
But the ink isn't even dry on my application for candidacy, and I need to find committee members, and, and, and... bit of a panic, really.
I have chosen my committee chair. She is amazing, and the great thing about her is that, when she tells me something, I get it. You know how, with the rare teacher here and there, you can actually understand what they're saying? She operates on my wavelength. I hear her loud and clear. This is good, because she is a fiction teacher, my favorite. She is blunt, yet not hurtful. She gives me what I want for my stories, a reader who is intelligent and careful and critical. She gives me criticism I can use, which is something I am finding difficult to come by. Anyway, she is great, and the fact that she has agreed to chair my committee makes me feel good, and better yet, that maybe I can pull this off.
As an example of this woman's sage qualities: The day after my little panic attack in my office, I told her I was freaking out. She told me that, throughout the process of both her Masters and her PhD, she would wake up in the middle of the night in a sheer panic. So I said, "So this happens to everyone? Everyone is hiding in their offices, hyperventilating with the door closed?"
And she said, "Yep. And it's only going to get worse."
This may seem cruel to you. I laughed my ass off and felt infinitely better. Maybe we are just twisted in the same way. But that is rare and good.
That was when I realized: this is a big deal. Is this something to be just done willy-nilly, as I seem to be approaching it? I guess the whole MA process was just overshadowed in my mind by the mind-boggling MFA application process I've created for myself. And now I'm having a bit of a panic. I have one semester in which to do all this stuff. I have to write a thesis. A creative thesis. This is, for me, short stories. Quite a few of them. And I am a slow writer. Ponderously slow.
I think I have a concept for my thesis proposal. But I haven't written it yet.
*(A side note for those of you that have been following this saga: I found out that I did, indeed apply to BSU and was accepted so, whew! That's a load off my mind)
But the ink isn't even dry on my application for candidacy, and I need to find committee members, and, and, and... bit of a panic, really.
I have chosen my committee chair. She is amazing, and the great thing about her is that, when she tells me something, I get it. You know how, with the rare teacher here and there, you can actually understand what they're saying? She operates on my wavelength. I hear her loud and clear. This is good, because she is a fiction teacher, my favorite. She is blunt, yet not hurtful. She gives me what I want for my stories, a reader who is intelligent and careful and critical. She gives me criticism I can use, which is something I am finding difficult to come by. Anyway, she is great, and the fact that she has agreed to chair my committee makes me feel good, and better yet, that maybe I can pull this off.
As an example of this woman's sage qualities: The day after my little panic attack in my office, I told her I was freaking out. She told me that, throughout the process of both her Masters and her PhD, she would wake up in the middle of the night in a sheer panic. So I said, "So this happens to everyone? Everyone is hiding in their offices, hyperventilating with the door closed?"
And she said, "Yep. And it's only going to get worse."
This may seem cruel to you. I laughed my ass off and felt infinitely better. Maybe we are just twisted in the same way. But that is rare and good.
posted by erin | 8:48 AM
5 Comments:
"And she said, 'Yep. And it's only going to get worse.'"
Amen! I can testify to that....except I don't think I'm laughing. :)- Not yet anyway.
ps.
Who defended their thesis today? Whoever it is, I'm impressed. ;)
pss.
I have faith in you. Great faith. You're a freakin' ROCK STAR!!! (and don't forget it!)
I know right where you are. I was there a year ago: Over winter break, I did all (ALL) of the research for my thesis and started writing the creative half. Then I spent spring semester writing. (Probably at a speed similar to yours.) I wasn't usually much fun during that time, and I had to fight some pretty heavy guilt every time I let myself relax for a few hours...but I'm proof. You can get this done in the time you have.
Your committee chair will be helpful, too. For all of the reasons you've pointed out and more. She'll be understanding when you haven't written the number of pages you promised her by a certain date, because she'll respect you enough to know that you'll get it done when you need to. She'll also make absolutely sure your thesis is ready to be defended before you defend.
So freak out when you need to, but have confidence that you'll be a Master by May.
Congrats on BSU! That's wonderful.
And, I think even the most unlikely people freak out from time to time. With this, I don't know how you could not freak out. It's a huge deal, and it's a lot to take in. Take it one step at a time; piece by manageable piece.
jessie - thank you!
amber - thank you!
seredne - thank you!
yes, thanks my friends. today is friday and i am home and ready to begin the thesis proposal. wish me luck!
ps - j & a: i remember you guys during spring semester, and wondering what was going on... now I know... oh, yes, i understand. :)
I am so in awe of all of you. I could never attempt grad school!
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