Application Anxiety
So I'm starting the application process to go to school to get my MFA in Creative Writing. Or rather, not really the application process. Let's say, the preapplication process. I'm sorting through schools, figuring out what I need to do, etc. There are a few really freaky parts to this:
1. I have to take the GRE. Okay, I've taken it before. Standardized tests have never freaked me out. In my past life as a student I excelled at them, not so much for my knowledge, but for a lucky intuition when it comes to multiple choice. But... the last time I took the GRE was ten years ago. Christ. When I took it, it was still a paper test for chrissakes. Back in the age before the computer GRE. And this is what freaks me out. Taking it on the computer will totally fuck my patented test-taking strategies. Not only that, but the analytical part is now essay, which sucks because I really kicked ass at that part. I'm really good at those - there are twelve people at a dinner party. Chris can't sit next to Angie - questions. So, the GRE thing is freaking me out.
2. And here's something else that is freaking me out in a more abstract way. How do I know what schools to apply to? By that I mean, which are within my range, which are hopefuls, and which are safeties? This is something that was pretty easy to determine when I was applying for undergrad. But I have no idea how my writing stacks up with the writing of other applicants. I'm just plunging blind into the applications, and all I can figure to do is pick a wide range, apply to a bunch, and see where I get in. But I don't like that. I don't like it at all. The sucky thing about writing is, you are accepted on the strength of your portfolio. The grad school may care about GREs and recommendations, etc. But the English departments don't really give a shit. All they want is to see your writing. And if they see that indefinable thing in it that makes it compelling to them, you're in. If not, you're not.
Arg! I want to be able to quantify my skill and talent somehow and place it alongside other skill and talent. What if I overestimate myself and don't get in anywhere? What if I underestimate and end up in some program that's not going to further my writing, but leave me treading water and in debt? And no teacher will give me the answers I want, because they're not going to tell me how good they think I am. They never do, and that's fine, it's not their job. But (whine) I wish they would. This is important and I want to do it right, but I feel horribly uninformed, no matter how many websites I read, or research I do.
1. I have to take the GRE. Okay, I've taken it before. Standardized tests have never freaked me out. In my past life as a student I excelled at them, not so much for my knowledge, but for a lucky intuition when it comes to multiple choice. But... the last time I took the GRE was ten years ago. Christ. When I took it, it was still a paper test for chrissakes. Back in the age before the computer GRE. And this is what freaks me out. Taking it on the computer will totally fuck my patented test-taking strategies. Not only that, but the analytical part is now essay, which sucks because I really kicked ass at that part. I'm really good at those - there are twelve people at a dinner party. Chris can't sit next to Angie - questions. So, the GRE thing is freaking me out.
2. And here's something else that is freaking me out in a more abstract way. How do I know what schools to apply to? By that I mean, which are within my range, which are hopefuls, and which are safeties? This is something that was pretty easy to determine when I was applying for undergrad. But I have no idea how my writing stacks up with the writing of other applicants. I'm just plunging blind into the applications, and all I can figure to do is pick a wide range, apply to a bunch, and see where I get in. But I don't like that. I don't like it at all. The sucky thing about writing is, you are accepted on the strength of your portfolio. The grad school may care about GREs and recommendations, etc. But the English departments don't really give a shit. All they want is to see your writing. And if they see that indefinable thing in it that makes it compelling to them, you're in. If not, you're not.
Arg! I want to be able to quantify my skill and talent somehow and place it alongside other skill and talent. What if I overestimate myself and don't get in anywhere? What if I underestimate and end up in some program that's not going to further my writing, but leave me treading water and in debt? And no teacher will give me the answers I want, because they're not going to tell me how good they think I am. They never do, and that's fine, it's not their job. But (whine) I wish they would. This is important and I want to do it right, but I feel horribly uninformed, no matter how many websites I read, or research I do.
Labels: school, toad lake life
posted by erin | 3:11 PM
2 Comments:
Hey, thanks for reminding me of all the things that are stressing me out. I have to take the GRE Subject Test in November, and I've been choosing schools based *mostly* on geography. I have no wisdom to offer, but I can say this: use the review materials and practice tests the GRE people send you; and if you're looking for a professor who'll be honest in helping you figure out which schools fit you, explain your concerns to LC.
Good luck!
hi erin, thanks for your blogland visit. i really liked your feedback. i could tell you are a writer. me too.
i have a suggestion about your MFA. do alittle research and identify the top 5 ranked writing programs in the country. and apply to at least some of them, if not all. because you might as well start by believing in yourself. and that's one way to begin to answer your questions....
:)
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