And it all comes crashing down…

I’m freaking out. This is my process. I freak out, I cry, then I get down to business. I’m still in the freaking out stage. You see, I’m going up to Bemidji to start school tomorrow. TOMORROW. And suddenly it becomes apparent that we don’t have the wherewithal to send me to school. I should be working. I mean, I work up there, but basically with my travel expenses, I break even on the deal. So, I’m not so much contributing to the household, or our savings, or our future moving expenses. And now, with budget cuts at J’s school, and his loss of one class to teach, we are suddenly not sure we can pull it off. Oh, yeah, and J’s car is broken down, and, we fear, dead. We will find out tomorrow.

Yes, we have enough to live on. But, we will not be able to save enough money to move. Of course, the move is all dependent on me getting into a creative writing program somewhere. And we don’t know where yet – I’m working on that this fall. I have two freelance gigs which will bring some money in, but I hate to depend on freelance jobs, especially for non-profits, because they tend to be unreliable at best, and at worst, they disappear. So…

I started looking for part-time work. Found a potential part-timer at a cute shoe store in Park Rapids (which is probably a bad idea, as I will have to daily restrain myself, with shoes dangling in front of me like so much ambrosia). If I pick it up, this will bring my job count up to four. Four jobs. And school. And grad school applications. And, oh, yeah, writing, which is the whole point of this debacle, and is something that gets pushed by the wayside far too easily.

I’m freaking out. Soon, I will have a good cry. Then, I think I will make chocolate chip cookies, eat dough until I get sick, wait for J to come home and give me a hug. Then I can figure this out.