About Goodness

I'm getting sort of tired of not knowing what I'm doing with my life. It's still better than the past, when I knew what I was doing and I also knew that it sucked. But it's really uncomfortable feeling so uncertain all the time. This would probably be the perfect time for some Buddhist wisdom, something about how everything is uncertain, and when we can accept that we will gain true peace. Those Buddhists have got it pretty dead on, I think. I just don't know if I can live up to their standards. I don't really think I'm that good (and before you say it, yeah, i know that it's not about being good, it's about the struggle, etc., but that's not how it feels). In the grand scheme of things, along the goodness spectrum I'm probably somewhere in the middle, although I'd like to think maybe high-middle. Upper-middle goodness, that's what I strive for. I don't want to have unrealistic expectations for myself. I don't think that kind of disappointment would be good for my self-esteem. I'd probably start acting out or something.